Performer Natasha Jynel’s coming out was more like a “peeking out”
Image: Natasha Jynel. Photo: David Pattinson
NATASHA Jynel is a creative director, performer, producer and writer who calls Australia home by way of Barbados and the United States.
Jynel has just wrapped up a successful run at the Melbourne Fringe Festival in a show called Threadbare, which explored the conflict between otherness and belonging in contemporary Australian society. Not long after the festival she celebrated her birthday on October 11 which also happens to be National Coming Out Day in the US.
This year she turned 31 and reflecting on her coming out journey, explains it was more like a 鈥減eeking out鈥�.
鈥淚 had a peeking out at 18, then coming out 23 as gay and at 29 I came out as queer,鈥� she says.
Much like her life and art, Jynel鈥檚 journey to understand her gender and sexual identity has been far from conventional and she recalls the breakup scene from the cult classic film Chasing Amy where Joey Lauren Adam鈥檚 character Alyssa says “maybe you knew early on that your track was from point A to B. But, unlike you I was not give a fucking map at birth. So, I tried it all”.
鈥淚n the whole scene Alyssa’s character says a lot of things about how important it is for people to have freedom to explore their sexuality, their attractions and their connections without judgement. Because that is the only way that we can find what we’re ultimately looking for, love,鈥� Jynel explains.
鈥淲e shouldn’t have to apologize for taking whatever path works for us as individuals. Life is a series of explorations.
鈥淎s long as we are in consenting situations we aren’t doing anything wrong. We are embracing the complexity of the human experience.鈥�
Jynel had a feeling she might be queer when she had a crush on two women and at the age of 18 worked up the courage to tell one of her aunties in Barbados.
鈥淗er response was 鈥榣et鈥檚 not tell anyone鈥�, which gives a certain message that it was not okay,鈥� she remembers.
鈥淢y relationship with my family was starting to improve and I didn鈥檛 want to hurt that, so I didn鈥檛 talk about it again.鈥�
She went on to date men for a few years, but when Jynel was 23 she started spending a lot more time with a good female friend, and eventually the two started to 鈥渉ave a bit of a pash鈥�, stirring up emotions she thought she had left behind.
Despite the instructions of her aunt to keep her sexuality a secret, Jynel decided it was time to let her family know the truth by sending a letter to various family members, because writing helps her process difficult events and emotions.
鈥淢y older cousin came out when i was gay when I was younger, no one in the family talked to me about it. A lot of my family members had homophobic reactions to her coming out,鈥� she explains.
鈥淚 was a bit worried about my brother who is a bit 鈥榤ale-ish鈥� and can be a bit tough. He鈥檚 my only immediate family, so that is important to me.
鈥淗e鈥檚 like 鈥業 don鈥檛 care, you鈥檙e my sister I love you鈥�.鈥�
Identifying as a 鈥済ender neutral, slightly femme woman鈥�, Jynel had her concept of sexual identity turned on its head again at 29 years old when she fell for a man and the two were soon in a serious relationship.
鈥淚 never thought I would want to be near a cis-gender man again,鈥� she says.
鈥淲hen we were together I had a lot of people tell me I wasn鈥檛 gay…. I spent so much time validating my queerness. Gender and sexuality are fluid concepts, I have the freedom to explore that if I want.
鈥淐oming out as a queer is weird, I had a few people say 鈥榶ou鈥檝e gone back to the other side, you鈥檝e changed your mind鈥�.鈥�
Jynell鈥檚 projection of her queer identity varies greatly between Australia and Barbados where homosexuality is illegal.
鈥淚n Barbados if there鈥檚 a queer party happening it鈥檚 secret, there鈥檚 no photos, you don鈥檛 go out and hold hands with your partner,鈥� she explains.
鈥淚 don鈥檛 have the same freedoms there to express my gender as I do in Australia. It鈥檚 an ongoing process and I鈥檓 going to find spaces for me in that culture. It鈥檚 my culture and I have every right to, it鈥檚 just finding a way to do that.鈥�
A friend recently sent Jynel a video about Stonewall Riots鈥� leader and trans activist Marsha P Johnson. Something the LGBTI icon said in the video struck a nerve with performer.
鈥淚 identify with having the freedom to observe gender and sexuality as a construct, to observe the freedom to be on any part of the spectrum and continuum on that given day,鈥� Jynel states.
鈥淚 reserve the right to choose how I see myself and how that changes with space time and context.鈥�
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