17c起草社区

WALKLEY Award-winning journalist and documentary filmmaker Monique Schafter first had an inkling she might not be straight during university, when a close male friend鈥檚 open bisexuality prompted her to consider her own. She鈥檇 had mostly male friends growing up, but always been bored by her few romantic relationships with men.

Schafter confided in her friend that she thought she might be bisexual.

[showads聽ad=MREC]鈥淪o he and I actually started dating, as bisexuals,鈥� she said.

鈥淒ating, but going to the indie queer night every Thursday in Melbourne… we鈥檇 go there for the indie bands, but in this queer community. We kind of went with the safety of each other.

鈥淥ver time we both came out as very, very gay, but we鈥檇 go to this club together and I鈥檇 probably be perving on the chicks and he鈥檇 be perving on the guys, and I can remember playing games of spin the bottle at this club where I kissed a girl for the first time and totally scared the shit out of myself because I liked it so much, like, 鈥榳hoa, fuck, that鈥檚 what the feeling is supposed to be like鈥�.鈥�

Not long after that Schafter fell hard for a woman she worked with 鈥� a woman with a girlfriend 鈥� and while the crush was unrequited, it prompted a conversation with her boyfriend in which the two came out to each other as gay.

鈥淗e鈥檚 like, 鈥榙on鈥檛 worry, I think I鈥檓 gay as well鈥�,鈥� she recalled.

鈥淪o there were no hard feelings there 鈥� it was actually a really nice experience.鈥�

It was a little while after that before Schafter came out to her parents. She felt as though she needed a girlfriend before she could have the conversation.

鈥淚 think because I expected that my mum would say things like, you know, 鈥榶ou just haven鈥檛 dated enough guys yet to know鈥�, or 鈥榠t鈥檚 a phase鈥�,鈥� she explained.

鈥淚 needed proof, to go, 鈥榓ctually Mum, here, girlfriend, she and I are together, lesbians, get it?鈥�

鈥淚t was kind of funny because the first thing mum said was, 鈥榶ou haven鈥檛 dated enough guys yet to know what you like鈥�.鈥�

The last person in Schafter鈥檚 family to find out was her grandmother 鈥� she avoided saying anything out of concern her grandmother鈥檚 occasional homophobia would make it an issue.

One Christmas, her grandmother had gone to have a sleep after lunch at Schafter鈥檚 aunt鈥檚 house while she and her father left to go for a walk.

鈥淢um and my auntie had been talking about me being gay and my girlfriend and having a big D and M about it all, and apparently Nan had been awake the whole time and listening in on the conversation,鈥� she said.

鈥淎 month or so later… she called my auntie and said, 鈥榮o, is Monique gay?鈥� and I think my auntie sort of fumbled and said, 鈥榓h, I think you should ask Mon that鈥�.

鈥淏ut then Nan called my mum and said, 鈥榮o, is Mon gay?鈥� and Mum鈥檚 like, 鈥榶eah, of course she is 鈥� took you long enough鈥�.鈥�

Schafter 鈥� the only grandchild 鈥� found out, and was scared about how her grandmother would react, that maybe she wouldn鈥檛 love her as much. She avoided seeing her grandmother for a while, until a family gathering put them in the same room together for the first time since the news had come out.

鈥淚 walked up to her, and she just kind of grabbed me and hugged me and said, 鈥榳hy didn鈥檛 you tell me, I still love you鈥�,鈥� she said.

鈥淚 felt like a real goose.鈥�

______________________

**This article was first published in the August聽edition of the 17c起草社区, which is . To obtain a physical copy, to find out where you can grab one in Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Adelaide, Canberra and select regional/coastal areas.

Read our previous instalments of 鈥淐loset Case鈥�:

听&补尘辫;

摆蝉丑辞飞补诲蝉听补诲=贵翱翱罢闭