Colton Haynes Was Told He Is ‘Too Gay’ For Hollywood
Image: Colton Haynes
Actor Colton Haynes, in a provocative and disturbing self-penned 听essay for New York magazine, is exposing Hollywood鈥檚 dark and 听seamy side, and the emotional abuse he suffered in his quest for 听stardom. 听
鈥淏efore I came to Hollywood, I was confidently queer,鈥� writes Haynes, 听in Losing a Teenage Dream. 鈥淵ears of mixed messages in the industry 听changed that.鈥�听
鈥淚t was explained to me repeatedly 鈥� by managers, agents, 听publicists, executives, producers 鈥� that the only thing standing 听between me and the career I wanted was that I was gay.鈥�听
“But lots of the decision-makers are gay, so play that game! Now that 听I鈥檓 older and sober, I鈥檓 trying to square who I am with the inauthentic 听version of myself I invested in for years. I often wonder how different 听things would鈥檝e been if I were allowed to be who I was when I moved 听to town: a hopeful kid confident in his sexuality.鈥�听
听Haynes Receives Praise for His Shocking Story 听
https://twitter.com/aishatyler/status/1468074203303849984
The 33 year old actor, best known for his roles on Arrow, Teen Wolf and American Horror Story: Cult, received praise for his soul-baring 听article from fellow actors, with Modern Family鈥檚 Jesse Tyler Ferguson 听posting on Instagram, 鈥淭hank you for writing this! I’m so proud of you 听& happy to call you a friend!鈥� 听
Aisha Tyler meanwhile tweeted, 鈥淎n incredibly brave and open article 听by @ColtonLHaynes.So impressed by the fearlessness of this piece.鈥�听
“To be a gay actor in Hollywood, even in 2021, is to be inundated with 听mixed messages: Consumers are mostly straight, so don鈥檛 alienate them,鈥� Haynes writes.听
鈥淭he thing that made me valuable in private 鈥� my conspicuously gay 听sexuality 鈥� was a liability as I tried to make my way through the 听颈苍诲耻蝉迟谤测.鈥�听
听Moving Back Into The Closet
View this post on Instagram
Haynes writes, 鈥滿y first serious relationship, if you could call it that, at 听14, was with a man in his 40s who worked in the area. I began go-go dancing at a gay bar in Wichita that same year 鈥� fake ID in hand 鈥� 听after sneaking in one night with a few castmates from my community theater program. I felt at-home there.鈥�听
Haynes began to pursue a modelling career in the hopes it would take听 him away from his Midwestern small town life. He and a boyfriend decided to accept an offer to appear in a photo spread for XY magazine and soon Haynes found himself in Hollywood.听
Success was initially hard to come by, however. Despite his All American good looks, Haynes soon found himself working as a听 phone-sex operator. As he finally started to land film and television听 work, the XY photos came to haunt the fledgling actor. His听 management team would 鈥渟end cease-and-desist letters鈥� whenever听 the photos threatened to surface.听听
When Haynes was rumoured to be dating Lauren Conrad, of The听 Hills, he was told 鈥渘ot to deny our rumored relationship 鈥� better to听 have the tabloids speculate about us.鈥澨�
Haynes reposted the XY cover photo to his Instagram account in June, saying at the time, 鈥淚 spent a big part of my career trying to听 erase it from the internet while I was still in the closet. Partly because听 so many ppl in Hollywood told me I would never work as an openly听 gay actor, but part of it was because I was incredibly ashamed鈥he听 boy in these pictures was so open, so free. He had to be taught that it听 wasn鈥檛 ok to be who he was.鈥澨�
View this post on Instagram
Exploited and Emotionally Abused听听
Haynes also fearlessly recounts in detail his association with a former 听unnamed manager whose unscrupulous behaviour and seeming 听obsession with Haynes personal characteristics, led to a series of 听humiliating encounters.听
Brad (a pseudonym), told Haynes, 鈥淲hy are you using your hands 听so much when you talk? And your posture is too 鈥� loose. We鈥檙e听definitely going to have to change your mannerisms.鈥� Brad told 听Haynes he was too 鈥渢heatre,鈥� which was 鈥渃ode for gay.鈥�听
View this post on Instagram
Haynes notes how he 鈥渄id what I was told to do. I took lessons with a 听voice instructor who had me talk while holding a highlighter between 听my teeth for the entire class so that when I took it out, my diction was 听crisp and clear. I practiced speaking with a folded Post-it note under听my tongue to teach me to make my S sounds less sibilant, since the softness of them made me sound gay.鈥�听
Brad invited him to attend an acting class, and Haynes recognized听 many of his classmates as successful film and television actors,听 including “Ethan, whom I recognized from a popular television show.鈥澨�
Brad continued his verbal attacks of Haynes, criticising his work in a听 scene by saying, 鈥溾�楽top moving your face so much. Not so musical theater!鈥欌�澨�
听The Agony of 鈥淪exy-Scene Night鈥澨�
View this post on Instagram
Another class was “sexy-scene night.鈥� The actors were required to听 perform sex scenes fully naked in front of the rest of the class. Haynes and Ethan were scene partners. As they rehearsed their scene, Ethan told Haynes 鈥淚鈥檒l be mounting you and thrusting in and out of you.鈥澨�
鈥淪o why don鈥檛 we get it out of the way and make out now? So we鈥檙e听 both comfortable,鈥� the actor asked Haynes, who added, 鈥淚鈥檓 straight,听 just so you know.鈥� Ethan then forcefully kissed Haynes.听
鈥淲e began with our lines,” Haynes recalls. “Eventually, I had to take off my pants. I stared into [the other actor] eyes, feeling everyone听 else鈥檚 eyes on my body. I pulled down my boxers, and I got on my听 knees. I turned Ethan, bare naked, toward the audience and began听 performing a fake oral-sex scene on him. Then he threw me down on听 all fours and simulated penetration while my dick flapped back and听 forth, slapping against my stomach. I closed my eyes so I wouldn鈥檛听 have to look at the audience.鈥澨�
鈥�’We have got to cut that hair,鈥欌�� Brad told Haynes afterwards. 鈥淎nd 听please stop moving your forehead so much. It looks like I could grow听crops in those lines. We鈥檝e been over this already.鈥� Of all the things 听that happened to me in my life, I had never felt more demoralised.鈥�听
听Haynes Falls Into Addiction 听
View this post on Instagram
At Brad鈥檚 urging, Haynes got a haircut and was sent for a meeting听 with an agent “in a cowboy hat and an unbuttoned western shirt.鈥澨� When the agent told Brad he wasn鈥檛 interested, Brad ended his听 association.听
Brad told Haynes, 鈥�’I鈥檓 sorry, but this isn鈥檛 working out. Your voice,听 your mannerisms 鈥� they鈥檙e still too 鈥� gay. You still have so much听 work to do. We think you will be better served at a different听 management company.鈥欌�� Brad handed Haynes a rentboys.com听 business card, in case he needed money.听
鈥淢y mental health deteriorated, and I grew dependent on alcohol and听 pills,鈥� Haynes writes. 鈥淲hen a doctor suggested my secret was making me sick, I knew he was right. I came out of the closet in an听 interview with Entertainment Weekly in 2016. I hoped it would set me听 free, and in some ways it did.鈥澨�
Coming Out And Losing Work
View this post on Instagram
Haynes came out in 2016. “Incidentally, the work mostly dried up,”听 Haynes writes. “When I was closeted, I beat out straight guys to play听 straight roles, and I played them well. Now, the only auditions I get are for gay characters, which remain sparse. Is that because I鈥檓 not very good? Maybe. But that didn鈥檛 stop me from booking roles before. It鈥檚听 no different for the young gay actors I see coming up today, trying to make it in a system that isn鈥檛 built for them.鈥澨�
Years later, while attending an industry event Haynes was seated at听 the same table as Brad. 鈥淟ater in the night, he came to my side of the听 table and said quietly to me, 鈥楧ropping you was a mistake.鈥欌�澨�
Haynes celebrated his personal growth on Instagram in June, saying,听 鈥淏eing gay is worth celebrating. I wish i鈥檇 figured that out sooner, but听 I鈥檓 so glad to know it now. To everyone in the 17c起草社区IA+ community,听听I hope you celebrate yourself this month & always, exactly as you听 are.鈥�
You May Also Like
