17c起草社区

Penelope Pettigrew is not the one to give up. In 2020, after failing to convince any of The Voice judges to turn their chairs, Pettigrew听came back to the competition this year and rocked the stage impressing all four judges.

Pettigrew moved to the top 20 of the competition, and top five of Team Guy Sebastian, before a format change saw her being knocked out the show. Now, she is preparing to release her new single Fuckboi and perform at the BICONIC event this year.

Pettigrew spoke with 17c起草社区 about her coming out experience, and what it means to be a bisexual role model, in light of Bisexual Visibility Day on September 23.

 

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Coming Out As Bisexual Is Tough

鈥淚鈥檝e spent a big part of my life trying to make everyone around me happy and make everyone like me. I was really cautious of how people perceive me. Now I鈥檓 like 鈥榯his is who I am, like it or not鈥�,鈥� said Pettigrew. 鈥淎nd there鈥檚 so many people around who celebrate who I am that I don鈥檛 have to worry about people who don鈥檛.”

鈥淐oming out is a really scary thing,鈥� Pettigrew stressed. 鈥淚t’s like going for a breakup and then saying 鈥榣et’s go on a little break鈥� until you get your courage. I can imagine that’s what some people have done and I don’t blame them for that. The only thing is, it can be destructive for bisexuals because it starts to perpetuate this idea that it is just a phase.鈥�

Pettigrew鈥檚 mother came out as gay when she (Pettigrew) was in high school. But, Pettigrew says she did not have a bisexual role model to look up to.

鈥淚 have had interactions with women when I was younger. When I was 19, I was making out with girls,鈥� she said. 鈥淏ut I had no role model to look up to. There was no movie that said 鈥榟ey you are bisexual because you are attracted to boys and girls鈥�. It was either about being straight or gay. I just didn鈥檛 really click. There was no bisexual representation.鈥�

‘I Didn’t Want To Claim The Title Of Being Bisexual’

Pettigrew says that it was only later in her 20s that she became comfortable identifying as a bisexual.

鈥淲hen I was in my twenties and in a relationship, I would call myself 鈥榖icurious鈥�,鈥� said Pettigrew. 鈥淚 didn鈥檛 want to claim the title of being bisexual. What if I were with a woman and then realised 鈥榦h no that鈥檚 not for me鈥�. Taking the title and then giving it back would be a big dishonour to the community.鈥�

鈥�2019 was my first experience with a woman and it was awesome. That was when I realised that I am definitely bisexual. That was the big tick,鈥� she said. 鈥淣ow that I am in my thirties, I am taking the time to process it all. I鈥檝e been in a few long-term relationships and now I am a bit cautious.”

Once she identified as bisexual, Pettigrew said she also saw the options available by stepping outside the established constructs.

鈥淭here鈥檚 so many options outside of the standard monogamous or typical heterosexual relationships. There are options for people who are fluid and curious. I am open to having a relationship which is more like that with someone like me,鈥� said Pettigrew, explaining how unique everyone鈥檚 experience is.

鈥淏isexual, trans, and non-binary people have so many options. I don鈥檛 want to exclude trans and non-binary people from the conversation. For heterosexual people, their answer is 鈥業鈥檒l go find a guy or a girl鈥�. For fluid people, its not that straight-forward and that鈥檚 okay. That鈥檚 totally fine.鈥�

Crushes, Men, Women…

 

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鈥淏eing in heterosexual relationships fit with me. That was the closest thing to how I feel and so I rolled along with that. Back of my head, I was always like 鈥榯here鈥檚 still something missing鈥�. Whereas for people who are gay, they look at heterosexual relationships and they go 鈥榥one of that fits me at all鈥�. I realised I have to go somewhere else.鈥�

Pettigrew said she wanted to explore her sexuality. However, when she brought it up with her ex, it ended up being an issue, so she had to suppress that side of her.

鈥淎fter five and a half years, I felt like I couldn鈥檛 be in my skin any longer. I felt like I had to change,鈥� she said adding that coming out helped her feel free. 鈥淚 just felt like I don鈥檛 have to walk on eggshells anymore.鈥�

鈥淚t鈥檚 really interesting to watch yourself interact and flirt with different genders. I feel so much more myself whenever I flirt with or pursue women. I feel relaxed. I feel comfortable enough to be goofy to send a picture where I don鈥檛 look overly attractive enough or I pull a funny face. They laugh and they interact with me, whereas with guys, I am more self-conscious,鈥� she said, talking about her crushes and interactions with women.

鈥淲ith women, there鈥檚 this neutral ground. Its more of a spiritual experience. It is this goddess energy,鈥� she said. 鈥淚ts like you鈥檙e on common ground and it makes so much sense. But I also do love the dynamic of the masculine and the feminine, when you talk about being with men. There鈥檚 a lot to explore.鈥�

Being A Bisexual Role Model

鈥淓mbrace yourself. Be true to you,” is Pettigrew’s message on Bisexual Visibility Day.

“There鈥檚 no blueprint to being you or to to being bisexual. You don鈥檛 have to compare yourself to someone else鈥檚 journey. You don鈥檛 have to validate your bisexuality by being with someone from your gender, or by dating someone in particular,鈥� she said.

鈥淒on鈥檛 worry about having to explain to people. Just because somebody asked you a question doesn鈥檛 mean you have to give them an answer. You don鈥檛 owe them an answer. It doesn鈥檛 matter who they are in your life. If you don鈥檛 feel comfortable answering, its totally okay to say, 鈥業 don鈥檛 have an answer for that or I am still thinking about this. I will come and talk to you when I am ready.鈥� That is a valid answer,鈥� she suggests, when it comes to explaining your sexuality to people.

Penelope talked about people who came up to her to say that they were able to come out because of her. 鈥淥ne woman was able to come out to her husband because of me. She came up to me at a bar once and thanked me for being able to live a life that was more authentically her. Even with her baby and her husband, she claimed that she was able to be herself,鈥� she said.

鈥淚t was so humbling and inspiring. It made me want to be a louder voice,鈥� she said. That was when she was able to be the representation that she missed growing up. 鈥淚 am here to listen to and encourage people who want to listen to me. I want people in my life who can uplift me and I can uplift them.鈥�

Biconic

 

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In 2020, Penelope attended the BICONIC event celebrating Bisexual Visibility.听鈥淚t was incredible. I hadn鈥檛 been a part of bisexual event and was new to coming out. I remember being in the audience. There were drag queens,听 trans, and non-binary people. The room was full of this incredible energy that was so uplifting and accepting,鈥� she said.听

听Penny talked about one artist on stage who explained that being in a relationship that looks heterosexual does not make you any less bisexual. 鈥溾�榊our partner does not define your sexuality. You define your sexuality.鈥� I cried when I heard that. It was just so nice to hear someone say that,鈥� she said. She had always felt a pressure to present herself as gay, without which, she felt that her identity would be invalidated.

鈥淔or bisexual people that鈥檚 just not the way it is. Same goes for pansexual people. You can be with whoever you wanna be with and you are still queer and that鈥檚 amazing. That you will always be amazing and nothing can change that.鈥�

听‘Virtual Biconic: Celebrating Bisexual Visibility: Past, Present, and Future鈥� is happening on September 24, 2021. Hosted by Bree Mountain and Natali Karo, the event will feature Penelope Pettigrew, Dyan Tai, and Cassandra. Tickets to the show are available .