The liberating nature of being gay
I am a big listener of the American sex columnist Dan Savage (pictured above). In Savage鈥檚 latest podcast he spoke about a 聽that showed that despite what we might think, straight men are generally more depressed and anxious than their out gay and bi counterparts.
Savage argues that he thinks that this is because straight men aren鈥檛 as sexually liberated as gay and bi men (note: I will talk wholly about men in this post because the study focused on men, but I think these ideas could easily cross gender lines). It鈥檚 rather anathema to what we would normally think, but it actually makes sense. If, and this is obviously a big if, you are gay or bi, are out (all of the men surveyed in the study were out), and live in an accepting part of the world, you can actually be quite sexually liberated. This sexual liberation can have quite an impact on mental wellbeing.
Let鈥檚 look at this through a straight man鈥檚 perspective. Straight men have to continuously 鈥榩rove their heterosexuality鈥�. If a hetero man wants to go to a Broadway show, be a gymnast, or engage in some anal fun with their girlfriend, they鈥檙e automatically labeled 鈥榞ay鈥�. Their identity and sexuality are directly linked; to be straight you have to be masculine. Do anything that isn鈥檛 masculine and your sexuality is questioned.
And this paints a picture of a more sexually restricted straight world than we like to think; one in which people are forced to constantly check their behaviour to make sure it links with how society says someone of their sexuality should behave. Whilst we may say 鈥渨hat do they care if people think they are gay鈥�, the reality is that having to constantly prove your sexuality is stress inducing. For all of us who have come out, you can know the relief it brings.
Whilst we often complain about stereotypes for us queer dudes we actually don鈥檛 face as many of these pressure. For most gay or bi guys, the moment you come out equals the moment when people stop questioning your sexuality (although this might not be the case for bi people). You can be the most femme rugby player, the butchest ballet dancer, or a mixture of any identity you want, and no will question your sexuality because of your identity.
And that is a liberating part of a queer world. Whilst not everyone has access to this world yet, and we have more barriers to break down, we can now see elements of sexually liberated world. If this study says anything, it鈥檚 a pretty sweet world too.
罢飞别别迟听聽or e-mail simon_copland@hotmail.com
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