REVIEW: What Would Love Do?
This short and easily-readable book is about parental perspectives for supporting a child through their first year of gender transition.
14 year old Olivia experienced the 鈥渢iger鈥� of gender dysphoria: the dissonance between the gender assigned at birth and a person鈥檚 self-perceived gender identity. Her subsequent development was 鈥渓ike watching a baby bird learning to fluff up its wings as it becomes emboldened by the possibilities of beauty and flight.鈥� Gender identity is located in the brain, not the body, and being transgender is not a choice. But whereas trans children might be comfortable with disconformity, only some relatives or friends will recognise a trans child as being the same person.
Lyndsay describes her initial shock, unpreparedness, uncertainty, sadness and lost parental expectations, as well as her anticipated fears of a difficult and stigmatised future life for her daughter as she struggled to adjust. The book traces traumatic school bullying and exhaustive hyper-vigilance in social settings from intolerance and staring when Olivia did not attempt to 鈥減ass鈥� but was 鈥渃locked鈥� as her birth gender.
Parental connections significantly intensified after Olivia 鈥渃ame out.鈥� Parenting a transgender child modifies one鈥檚 rules, values and expectations. Past experience can鈥檛 be readily drawn upon so one must rely on gut feel. A trans parent鈥檚 primary objective is to find ways to keep their children happy and alive.听
听鈥淎t the end of the day all one wants for one鈥檚 children is that they are happy and can live rewarding lives.鈥�
Lyndsay accurately describes the gender transition process as an endless struggle to provide logistical support and achieve incremental advances. This helpful book offers practical tips for navigating the many challenges. It also provides valuable insights and compassionate understanding for other trans parents who may also be experiencing this unusual familial situation. Lyndsay describes her feelings of inadequacy, uncertainty and desperate loss in her parenting journey. Life is lived not in the present but for some distant point in the future. But Lyndsay like other trans parents also experiences many joyful moments when their child is fully engaged with life and learning. Ultimately, unconditional acceptance and love 鈥渋s what life is really all about鈥�.
As well as educating readers on what it means to be trans, Olivia鈥檚 story informs other trans children that they are not alone. As L R Knost said, the broken world waits in darkness for the light that is you.
You May Also Like
