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Skippy Baxter is a Melbourne-based porn star who has starred in over 30 films for well-known Australian and American porn companies like Bentley Race, Raging Stallion, Falcon, Hot House and RoganRichards.com. He spoke to the 17c起草社区 about his battle with crystal meth addiction.

Tell us a little about yourself?
I used to be paediatric nurse and did that for about two and a half years. Before that I was just a regular nurse. Recently I quit that and I鈥檝e been working in bars and cafes for the past ten months, but currently out of work.

This year I did a couple of porn movies overseas, but I鈥檝e put that on hold while I get my shit together.

You recently revealed your meth struggle on Facebook. How did that start?
It started probably about two and a half years ago when I was at a sex party and some guys were doing it. They asked if I wanted to slam some meth, and I said ‘what is that?’

They said, ‘well you inject it.’ I said, ‘sorry no, it鈥檚 not for me’ but they talked me into it – they said ‘if you don鈥檛 like it, you don鈥檛 ever have to do it again, it鈥檚 just a once off thing. Just see if you like it.’

I tried it and it was probably the best experience I鈥檝e ever had, it was incredible the feeling but the comedown was just horrific and they didn鈥檛 explain to me what that would mean and I swore I鈥檇 never touch it again.

But everywhere that I went to have sex it was just prominent, everybody was doing it so I kind of got swept up into the shitstorm of using it.

That’s kind of how it blew out of control. I kept it hidden for about a year, from everybody – my partner, my family. Then it got to the point where I couldn鈥檛 have sex without it. I never smoked, I only injected – smoking never really did anything to me, it just made me awake but injecting got me really high and horny.

How long were you doing it before you realised you had a problem?
I realised I had a problem about three or four months ago I was using it every day. I wasn鈥檛 using it for the normal sexual encounters, it was more of an escaping every day life and I needed it to function really so that鈥檚 when I knew I had a big problem.

I kind of fell into a blackhole and didn鈥檛 really know how to get out of it, (I) lost a lot of weight, started to get paranoid, pushed everyone aside, my family, my friends, – my partner. And I realised ‘holy shit, I鈥檝e got a problem here and I鈥檝e gotta fix it’.

My parents actually got in contact with a rehab place called Bradshaw House in Victoria, and she rang me one day. It was probably the best phone call I ever got because at that point I was about to commit suicide because I couldn鈥檛 handle feeling like shit and depressed all the time. I didn鈥檛 know how to get out of it so she pulled me out of the hole.

Have you relapsed since then?
I have relapsed once for a period of time before I decided to get back on the horse. I guess relapse is a part of recovery but I never thought I would relapse. I thought once I got to rehab and sorted my personal stuff out, and my emotional shit that I would be able to push forward and resist.

But life happens, and I kind of found my way back into that circle which I鈥檓 now not a part of anymore. I鈥檓 doing more narcotics anonymous meetings and trying to get spirituality and in touch with – it might sound a bit wanky – but a higher power, not any religion of any sort but something spiritual to get me through and back on the right track.

You said you put your porn career on hold – it hasn鈥檛 contributed to it at all?
No, no, interestingly enough it never came into play. I was always quite professional, I never used drugs before a shoot or weeks and weeks before a shoot because part of my contract was I had to have a body that was not smaller than when they signed me up.

I had to maintain it so it never came into play. But when I came back (to Australia), it did. I got straight back into getting high and sex parties and all that stuff.

And now I鈥檓 noticing it鈥檚 everywhere, six months ago it wasn鈥檛. But now everybody is doing pnp and getting high and having sex.

You think it鈥檚 getting worse?
Definitely, it鈥檚 definitely getting worse. And not just in Australia, it鈥檚 even overseas. My partner was saying everywhere he was there was all PnP stuff, all these parties going on. He said it would be hard for me if I went overseas because it鈥檚 everywhere.

What is it about ice that makes it so hard to quit?
I think because it鈥檚 more available than any other drug, it鈥檚 cheapish, the high you get from it – slamming especially – is very out of this world. It鈥檚 more than I鈥檝e ever experienced with any other drug but at the same time it can have its ugly side.

Do you think it鈥檚 possible for some people to use it without it becoming a problem?
I don鈥檛 have an addictive personality, but I think if you鈥檙e using it a couple of times – it depends how you use it too, if you inject it you鈥檙e more likely to get addicted than puff. I鈥檝e known guys who have puffed for years but can go months and months and months. It depends on the person, and the reason why you鈥檙e using it.

Do you still think meth about a lot?
I think about the negative impact it has on my life. Whenever I think I wanna use, I think about when my partner (fellow porn star Rogan Richards) found me at a sex party high as a kite, and the look on his face – it was something I had never seen before, it was very heartbreaking. And I think about how it hurt my family and how I have no friends anymore. And I鈥檓 pretty much known in the Melbourne gay scene as a druggy. I just think of that stuff and it stops me from using really.