17c起草社区

PIERCING blue eyes. A thick head of Harry Styles hair. Channing Tatum abs. A six-foot yacht anchored off the French Riviera. Hell, even just a little green plus sign before my bank account balance. These are all things I desperately want, but for an apparent number of reasons, can鈥檛 seem to have.

And yeah, it sucks.

It鈥檚 rooted deep in the chronic dissatisfaction of our human condition 鈥� our natural wanting for that which we can鈥檛 have. Whether it stems from our respective economic positions, genetics, or relationship status, it remains true that we鈥檙e generally discontent with whichever cards we鈥檙e dealt.

Now look, I鈥檓 a pretty reasonable guy. I can deal with my off-brown/hazel eyes. My hereditarily thin, mousy-blonde hair. My perpetually fluctuating 鈥渁lmost there鈥� physique. I can even deal (albeit begrudgingly) with my negative account balance. There鈥檚 only one thing I can鈥檛 bring myself to accept with such grace: being told (in no uncertain terms) that I鈥檓 unable to get married.

Nope. Nada. Cannot. Deal.

It鈥檚 almost like the notion of marriage is my sister鈥檚 rainbow paddle-pop, back when we were kids and I鈥檇 already spent my five dollars pocket-money on a crappy CD single or magazine. I鈥檇 watch intently as she masterfully navigated her sticky multi-coloured mess. The way it dripped down her chin and landed so precariously on her fastened seatbelt.

I wanted it. Of course I wanted it. I wanted it because it wasn鈥檛 mine, because she wouldn鈥檛 share it 鈥� I wanted it because it was unattainable. Now, 18 years later, the idea of marriage grips me with the same elusiveness. It鈥檚 a problem 鈥� because my concerns on marriage shouldn鈥檛 be marred by social jealousy or political agenda.

From an objective standpoint, there鈥檚 absolutely no way I鈥檓 ready to get married. I鈥檓 only in my early 20s, neither me or my partner are financially stable, we鈥檙e living in a rented studio apartment, and we鈥檝e only been together a year. We鈥檝e yet to travel the world together, and we鈥檝e yet to face any significant adversity as a couple. But the thing is, I do want to get married 鈥� or at least I want the choice to.

Historically, marriages were often community-recognised unions orchestrated by parents or older relatives with the intention of maintaining economic stability and strengthening political alliances. Love wasn鈥檛 a factor 鈥� and in some cultures, it still isn鈥檛. But here, in Australia, one should hope it鈥檚 the only conscionable factor.

It鈥檚 time we face the ugly truth: marriage has lost its mojo. The median length of marriage in Australia currently stands dismally around 12 and a half years. Unless our collective life expectancy has taken an unreported tumble, it would appear that the once-biblical promise of 鈥渢ill death do us part鈥� is null and void. As is sexual abstinence. And the condemnation of interracial couples. There鈥檚 no denying it 鈥� marriage has lost the majority of its traditional connotations. And for good reason.

But what鈥檚 left of it?

I think both the church and government need to realise that the only way of retaining the withering credibility and relevance of marriage is to move forward with the times and establish an inclusive state of normalcy. Our fight for equality has become like an ugly battle between siblings over their family鈥檚 estate. Someone needs to stand up and mediate, or else we risk becoming the ever-laughable Rhineharts of romance.

At least then the heterosexual community could be assured that we鈥檙e all getting married for the right reasons. Not just because we can鈥檛.

Samuel Leighton-Dore is a Sydney-based writer and director. His best-selling eBook Love or Something Like It is available now and his forthcoming children鈥檚 book I Think I鈥檓 A Poof will be released in February. .

Follow Samuel on Twitter via聽

Photo credit: Brad Tennant

**This article was first published in the February聽edition of the 17c起草社区, which is . To obtain a physical聽copy, to find out where you can grab one聽in Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane, Adelaide, Canberra and select regional/coastal areas.