17c起草社区

鈥淚 can鈥檛 stand another freezing聽Melbourne winter. I鈥檓 heading north聽to the sunshine.鈥�

So said my late-sixties single gay聽friend, Howard*, as he made plans聽to auction his apartment. With rigid聽determination, he then headed for聽the allure of the beaches on the聽Sunshine Coast, where he intended聽to embrace his retirement and the聽possibilities that a new location聽offered.

鈥淐ome and stay鈥�, he told聽his Melbourne friends, but the reality聽of the next six years was that, to my聽knowledge, only one came to visit,聽and then just for a meal.

A Gay Melburnian At Heart

While Howard enjoyed his daily聽beach walks, long glances at the聽muscled lifesavers, and Friday nights聽at the surf club bar and restaurant,聽he still listened daily to a Melbourne聽radio station. There was little doubt聽that he was still a Melburnian, and聽unfortunately, that is where his entire聽support group remained.

While friendly to strangers,聽Howard was not outgoing enough聽to attract any to become a new聽friend. He began isolating himself聽in his high-rise apartment with his聽beloved cats, where he turned to聽alcohol and online addictions. Add聽no gay social activities on offer, and聽his dream of being on permanent聽holiday all year long soon spiralled聽into total loneliness.

When he was found lifeless on聽the floor of his apartment after five聽days of being in that position, it was聽sadder still to find only five phone聽numbers in his mobile phone 鈥� his聽sister, two friends down south, and聽two others.

(Why single older men do not聽want to wear medical alerts 24/7 I聽do not understand!)

Check Your Support Base

I love that men of any age have聽dreams of a better life, but in my聽friend鈥檚 case, he went to a strongly聽heterosexual seaside city, devoid of聽any family, friendship, or gay male聽connections awaiting his arrival.聽It was simply too much to expect聽regular visits of Southerners to keep聽his previous life alive.

If you are thinking of moving聽locations, check out the support聽base you want your life to have.聽Medical facilities increase in聽importance as we age, physical聽contact with friends and family is聽more important to nourish your soul聽than just digital contact, and be聽sure that you are not just avoiding a聽problem and trying to escape it by聽moving.

Do you really have to move? Will聽you still have the same issues, just in聽a different location? Consider wisely聽鈥� your life may depend on it!

*Name changed.

If you feel distressed reading the story, you can reach out to support services.

For 24 hour crisis support and suicide prevention call Lifeline on 13 11 14

For Australia-wide 17c起草社区I peer support call QLife on 1800 184 527 or .